30 Songs That Made Me *Me*

early 2000s & 2010s silly goofy 30th birthday

Header image generously designed by the ever-talented Sadie Burzan

Today, I turn 30 years old. It’s a gift to have been here for as long as I have, and I hope I’m with you for many more years to come. I don’t get to this point without the people, things, and moments that have carried me here—music being one of those shelters where I’ve sought safety and joy.

I’ve done various music roundups over the years, including my annual 10 favorite albums list and top 150 albums of the 2010s. This will be a little different. I’m sharing 30 songs that have shaped me, my music taste, and sometimes been a glue between me and my beloveds.

Below each song, I share why I’ve included it on my list. As

John Noire

referenced in a recent post, you can think about this roundup like a “mixtape” of sorts—or a “daylist” for my Spotify heads. These songs are not ranked by how much I love them; I simply put them in the order they popped in my head.

Shoutout to

Jenna Clare

for inspiring this post with her 100 influential albums list. I’m excited to share my spin on it.

If you’d like to send some birthday love, please consider signing up for a Free or Paid subscription to Feels Like Home. This month only, get 30% off an annual subscription to my newsletter when you sign up below:

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1. The Way You Move (feat. Sleepy Brown) - Outkast (2003)

The Love Below is my favorite side of Outkast’s two solo album releases in 2002. It’s also one of my favorite records of all-time. But this song, which appeared on Big Boi’s Speakerboxxx disc, blew up before “Hey Ya!” or “Roses” ever did. It felt like it played every time we turned on the radio. Funny enough, I was so obsessed with this song that, when I was in third grade, my classmate gave me both albums at his birthday. It’s been part of my life since.

2. Basketball (feat. Jermaine Dupri, Fabolous & Fundisha) - Bow Wow (2002)

When I went to the 2002 NBA All Star Game with my dad and uncles, previews played for an upcoming movie starring Lil Bow Wow. It would feature different NBA stars, and it looked like they were even filming some of the scenes that weekend. That movie, of course, was Like Mike, and it’s still one of my all-time favorites. I wanted to be Bow Wow because he wanted to be Allen Iverson, and who didn’t want to be AI? This soundtrack went double platinum in my bedroom boombox, and none of its tracks are more iconic than this one.

3. Burn - Usher (2004)

“Yeah!” was the reason I wanted to buy Usher’s Confessions album, but the song I still can’t keep from belting out at karaoke is this one. In my mind, Usher dances in the rain in the “Burn” music video. But it’s actually just that clip from The Boondocks where Tom Dubois puts his own spin on it. The song is overly dramatic (complimentary) and shaped so much of what I love about R&B music.

4. Cleanin’ Out My Closet - Eminem (2002)

It makes me cringe to include this, but “Cleanin’ Out My Closet” is the first song that made rap something I could develop my own relationship with. You can’t play this song in front of your parents. My classmate knew it too. In second grade, my friend played this song for me in his basement. It was our little secret. Even now, I don’t feel comfortable playing this song in front of others. But I can’t deny how it taught me the potential for abrasiveness in rap.

5. Beautiful (feat. Pharrell Williams & Charlie Wilson) - Snoop Dogg (2001)

I have a vivid memory of riding in my uncle’s convertible as a kid and hearing this song for the first time. It feels like summertime, sweet smells, and wind kissing my face. As far as I know, this is the first Pharrell song I ever heard, which makes it the most Neptunes-sounding song to me. The doors this opened for my music taste are beyond what I ever expected.

6. The Prayer - Kid Cudi (2008)

I love Scott Mescudi. My ode to Cudi goes into greater detail about how I grew to admire him, which led to Cudi reposting my essay. But one thing I didn’t talk about as much in that piece is how “The Prayer” is the first Cudi song I fell in love with. “Day ‘n’ Nite” was great, but “The Prayer” featured Cudi singing the same words my mom taught me to pray as a kid: “If I die before I wake…”

7. Numb / Encore - JAY-Z & Linkin Park (2004)

I couldn’t fathom rock and rap in the same song until I heard “Numb / Encore.” Much to Elizabeth’s dismay, I still scream every word: “I’VE BECOME SO NUMB…”

8. TiK ToK - Kesha (2010)

When this song got big between my sophomore and junior years of high school, Taylor and I were obsessed. Along with our friend Josh, we made our own music video to the song at Taylor’s house. Kesha’s playfulness gave me permission to own my love for pop music.

9. One, Two Step (feat. Missy Elliott) - Ciara (2004)

We had the chance to perform a song of our choosing in music class. My friend and I chose “One, Two Step.” We sang Ciara’s parts, and I rapped Missy Elliott’s verse. Two elementary school boys unaware of toxic masculinity’s restrictive criteria—the kind of rules that would’ve discouraged us from liking the song in the first place. We were free, unshaken by a cruelty we knew little of, simply happy to put on a show.

10. Pop - *NSYNC (2001)

When my mom traded in her car, *NSYNC’s Celebrity album was still in the CD drive. I lost the album that day and haven’t listened to it since. However, the song I remember—quite possibly my favorite *NSYNC song—is “Pop.” The dance break, and that “Feel it when your…” Unforgettable moments.

11. Let Me Love You - Mario (2004)

Another karaoke classic. My mom let me get Mario’s Turning Point album off the strength of this song alone. When we talk about dirty mackin’ anthems, you have to include “Let Me Love You.” Bro was so taken aback about this girl being with another guy that he had no choice but to ask, “Do you enjoy being hurt?” That’s a wild question. And he sang this joint with his whole heart too. Real yearners, stand up.

12. I Wanna Know - Joe (2000)

I’m a Quiet Storm child. Slow jams are synonymous with riding around listening to the radio with my mom. Sometimes she would pass our street and drive around the block one more time just so we could finish hearing whatever song was on. This is another dirty mackin’ anthem I loved listening to. You couldn’t tell me Joe didn’t have the perfect lines for vague Facebook statuses when you wanted to let your high school crush know she needed to be with you instead of that other clown.

13. Cocoa Butter Kisses (feat. VIC MENSA & Twista) - Chance the Rapper (2013)

This song was on the first time I ever had Elizabeth in my car. For Valentine’s Day a few months later, she made me a burnt CD with our favorite songs on it and included “Cocoa Butter Kisses.” So yeah, this was an easy choice.

14. Farmer’s Daughter - Rodney Atkins (2010)

“I’d be on the tractor, she’d be on my mind” is an all-time great line—regardless of genre. The songwriters did the damn thing with that one. Back in high school, Bryce wanted me to get into country music, so he burnt two CDs for me with his favorite country songs. This is still the one I love most. They’re even on Genius talking about “Farmer’s Daughter” bearing similarities to a Brothers Grimm fairy tale. Impeccable work.

15. I. The Worst Guys (feat. Chance the Rapper) - Childish Gambino (2013)

This song feels like college to me. That clip in the music video of Chance and Gambino sitting and dancing on top of the car. So carefree. It takes me back to having no responsibilities—at least not the kind of responsibilities that factor into maintaining your well-being and livelihood. Me and the homies were just looking for any opportunity to hang out and make each other laugh.

16. Love’s In Need Of Love Today - Stevie Wonder (1976)

I saw Stevie perform “Love’s In Need Of Love Today” at his Songs In The Key Of Life tour in 2015. The night before the show, there were a series of coordinated attacks in Paris, France, killing at least 130 people and injuring more than 400. During the show, Stevie stepped to the mic and reminded us, “If we could just love a little more and care a little more, how much greater this planet would be.” This song brings me back to that night, to those words, and I remember love and care are necessary in creating a new world.

17. I Gotcha - Lupe Fiasco (2006)

“Kick, Push” is the first Lupe song I heard, but “I Gotcha” showed me how skilled of a lyricist he is. There was a time where you couldn’t tell me Lupe wasn’t the best rapper out. As I’ve gotten older, one of the things I most appreciate about Lupe is he wants to tell us about the things he loves. To share about our beloveds is to share about ourselves—and I feel like I know Lupe well.

18. Laffy Taffy - D4L (2005)

This was my ringtone in sixth grade. I loved how silly and bouncy snap music was. And my mom loved banana-flavored Laffy Taffy, so I loved banana-flavored Laffy Taffy. The brothas in D4L weren’t worried about looking cool; how hard they snapped in front of the baddies in the club made them cool. Fabo, the most animated of them all, was undoubtedly the coolest.

19. Unfaithful - Rihanna (2006)

I was singing this song with all my might. Little middle school Alex on the bus back to my grandparents’ house after basketball camp, looking longingly out the window, as “Unfaithful” played in my earbuds. I couldn’t sing out loud on the bus, but, as soon as I was by myself, I’m screaming. All the emotion I could muster belting out, “I don’t want to do this anymore…”

20. The Answer Is You - Phyllis Hyman (1978)

When I think about riding around as a kid listening to music in my mom’s car, this is the first song that comes to mind. I was her little man, just us two against the world. “The answer, boy, is you…”

21. Charlie, Last Name Wilson - Charlie Wilson (2005)

My dad listened to Charlie Wilson growing up. Now, here we are, both of us sitting in the car listening to Charlie Wilson. Laughing at every stray run and ridiculous ad-lib. “Here is my number… My manager's number… My studio number… Even my momma's number”

22. So What (feat. Ciara) - Field Mob (2005)

These next two songs are 106 & Park finds. When I would get home from basketball camp, I would go to my grandparents’ basement and watch shows I wasn’t allowed to watch at home. 106 & Park captured the essence of mid-2000s hip-hop and R&B better than any other outlet. And this song is one of the first ones I relate with that time. Ciara alone is emblematic of that era.

23. Chunk up the Deuce (feat. UGK & Paul Wall) - Lil’ Keke (2006)

One of the characteristics of mid-2000s hip-hop was Houston rap and elements of chopped-and-screwed music increasing in mainstream popularity. You had Mike Jones, Paul Wall, Slim Thug, Chamillionaire, and UGK. Then, I learned about Lil’ Keke through 106 & Park. This is another song that comes to mind when I think about that time period.

24. 21 Questions (feat. Nate Dogg) - 50 Cent (2003)

50 Cent was scary. His muscles had muscles. People talked about him being shot nine times and surviving. Part of his look even included a bulletproof vest. So it felt unconventional when he gave us a love song with “21 Questions.” I still love the part about him not rapping and flipping burgers at Burger King. That would be a hilarious sight.

25. Brighter Day - Kirk Franklin (2002)

My grandma always had gospel radio, Heaven 600, on in her car—and Kirk Franklin was a mainstay. The instrumentation on “Brighter Day” still does the work of brightening my day.

26. Grows Old - Thirdstory (2018)

Me and Elizabeth’s first dance song at our wedding 🥲

27. Differences - Ginuwine (2001)

Ginuwine was singing his ass off. Also, this song makes me remember Ginuwine was in Juwanna Mann. What a wild time.

28. White (feat. Frank Ocean) - Odd Future (2012)

My favorite Frank Ocean song not on Channel Orange or Blonde. It reminds me of my senior year of high school and making memories we don’t want to forget—and even when they’re forgotten, they give life to what’s to come decades later.

29. Hustler Musik - Lil Wayne (2004)

During my first few years living in North Carolina, the son of one of my mom’s friends—an older high schooler—introduced me to downloading music on Limewire and burning those songs to blank CDs. His favorite artist was Lil Wayne. This is one of the first songs he showed me. It helped solidify Weezy as my favorite rapper too.

30. Head Full Of Doubt, Road Full of Promise - The Avett Brothers (2010)

One of my friends in high school was obsessed with The Avett Brothers. Standoms weren’t as big as they are now, but she was an Avett Brothers stan. She loved this song and especially loved the line, “Decide what to be and go be it.” Since then, I’ve seen The Avett Brothers in concert more than any other music act. Their music reminds me of family, togetherness, and Charlotte.

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For your listening pleasure, here’s a Spotify playlist of all the songs listed above: