Saturn is Somewhere
On Kacey Musgraves, Turning 30 & Getting Over Myself
“What if they said Alex’s name?”
We all laughed because there was no way it could happen. No one we know ever wins these things. We work at a large company that often resembles a college campus more than a corporate office, and, every time I’m here, I see hordes of people I’ve never seen before.
“Our next award goes to…”
And then, I saw it. My name appeared on the screen. We all stared at each other, mouths open.
The company recognized me for my performance during the past quarter, and I heard the news in front of two of my direct reports, who I began managing as part of a recent promotion.
I got everything I worked for over the past year—and more. But a little over a year earlier, I didn’t even know I’d still be working here by this point.
The title track of Kacey Musgraves’ 2024 album, Deeper Well, begins with her singing, “My Saturn has returned.”
Kacey is among a substantial group of popular artists, including SZA (“Saturn”) and Ariana Grande (“Saturn Returns Interlude”), who, in recent releases, have nodded to Saturn returns—the astrological instance when the planet Saturn is at the same spot in the sky as when you were born. Astrologers believe this happens about every 30 years.
My astrology knowledge goes as far as me having a Co — Star account I occasionally check when I’m feeling masochistic or need to remember what time I was born. But I resonate with the explanation of Saturn’s cycle offered by retired astrologer Diana Garland on the aforementioned “Saturn Returns Interlude.”
“That’s when we’re going to wake up and smell the coffee,” Garland shares. “If we’ve just been sort of relying on our cleverness or relying — you know, just kind of floating along, Saturn comes along and hits you over the head and says, ‘Wake up! It’s time for you to get real about life and sort out who you really are.’”
Given that Ariana, SZA, and Kacey are all in their 30s, it makes sense that Saturn returns are on their minds. Although they don’t explicitly name this phenomenon, the themes of self-honesty and existential pondering on new albums by Tyler, The Creator, 33, and Charli xcx, 32, also place them firmly in this canon of records made by artists reckoning with adulthood in their early-to-mid 30s.
I turned 30 last May, and, according to some Saturn Return calculator I found online, I’m well within my first Saturn Return. I have five months left, so we’ll see what that pesky planet is hiding within its rings. But one thing I’m sure about is that I learned to get over myself during this past year. Or as Kacey put it, “I found a deeper well.”
I began plotting how to leave. I wasn’t happy with where I was in my career, believed I could be doing more, making more, and knew I wouldn’t make it if things remained the way they were.
I’m not a climb-the-corporate-ladder type of guy, but I understand that promotions typically mean more money, and more money means worrying less about bills, groceries, house expenses, travel, and mutual aid among other things.
Simply put, I want to be good, and I want my people to be good—and that’s in all things. In everything I do, that’s what keeps me going. And if I feel like that’s not feasible where I am, then I start looking for other solutions.
However, my job afforded me clear boundaries where there was a set time for work and the rest could be dedicated to me and my people. In that time, I was able to be present with Elizabeth, find consistency with my writing, and even explore freelance writing.
I didn’t want to lose that. But I also wanted to operate by my own rules, which sometimes were at odds with those in charge.
“Try it their way,” Elizabeth told me. She wasn’t asking me to change my core beliefs but to adjust my approach. I couldn’t fight my way toward a promotion, taking up gloves with the people who would help me get there; I needed to work with them.
Begrudgingly, I agreed, knowing she was right. But my pride didn’t want to let me admit it.
I’m coming back to Deeper Well after months of not having it in rotation. Released last March, Kacey Musgraves’ album came out in the same two-week span as Ariana Grande’s eternal sunshine and ScHoolboy Q’s BLUE LIPS, two projects that were among my favorites in 2024.
While I loved Kacey’s album when I first listened, so much so that I made plans to see her later in the year with my homie Nate, all the music released in the months after swallowed it up. But when Nate and I saw Kacey at Ohio State’s Schottenstein Center in mid-November, she gave the album new life—even performing songs beneath a model of Saturn suspended from the ceiling.
I had the house to myself the night I won my award at work and reflected on the past year. I looked back at my camera roll and saw how I started looking for new jobs before the year began. And as I spoke through every step, tracing my path from then to now, I came back to something that had always been there. I returned to the well. Kacey’s Deeper Well. And more specifically, two songs I can’t shake: “Deeper Well” and “Lonely Millionaire.”
Both songs, situated at nearly opposite ends of the track list, point to finding a more inward sense of peace and satisfaction. On “Deeper Well,” Kacey acknowledges, “It’s natural when things lose their shine so other things can glow.”
Later in the album, she builds on that idea with “Lonely Millionaire,” warning listeners to “be careful what you wish for” because “the money and the diamonds and the things that shine can’t buy you true happiness.”
During the past year of learning to get over myself, or “removing resistance to growth” as Kacey put it in her interview with The Cut, I needed people who loved me for me and reinforced who I am and can be. I held my lifelines tighter and let some relationships fade. Being right felt less alluring; I took more pride in caring for those in front of me and not letting my aspirations interfere with looking out for others.
I can grow, and I can care. I can give my best at work and still make time for my people and passions outside of work. I can put my pride aside and turn a new leaf. I can say no to things that no longer serve me to make room for things that do. I can get what I want. I can get all of it and know that I’m okay no matter what.
“Saturn can be a bitch of a planet,” Kacey Musgraves told the Los Angeles Times, “but it’s having a moment.”
As the sixth-closest planet to the sun held the same place in the sky as it did when Kacey was born, the cosmic cowgirl returned to center with her sixth studio album, Deeper Well. The sixth track “Sway” is a return to Kacey’s country roots—something that has always been there since the early days of her yodeling in Golden, Texas.
In the song, Kacey daydreams of becoming “like a palm tree in the wind.” She sings, “I won’t break, I’ll just bend / And I’ll sway.”
Building on this theme, Kacey told The Cut, “I definitely feel way more grounded now than in the past.” She continued, “I feel like my feet are firmly planted on the ground, and no matter what comes my way and tries to rock me, I feel more planted, if that makes sense.”
I don’t know what this year has in store, likely a lot of the same donned in new attire, but that website told me my Saturn Return ends in May, so I guess I can expect a few more wind gusts before then.
I’m in no rush to leave, though. I plan to hang out here a little longer and hope you’ll join me. If you get thirsty, there’s plenty in the well. We’ve got ourselves, and we’ve got each other. In other words, we’ve got everything we need.
Watch my live reading of “Saturn is Somewhere” ⬇️
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*sighs and adds kacy musgraves to her library
Only you can make me pause reading and add an album I’ve never heard and add it to my playlist.