You Can Always Come Home
On the Shorty Awards, Noah Kahan & Learning to Live with Distraction
The gentle nudge. I think this is maybe the most important lesson of my adult life.
I sat in yoga class as the teacher invited us to focus on our intentions. “If your mind begins to wander,” she said, “just gently nudge it back to center.”
It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves. For our self-talk to get angry and abusive. But this felt like an invitation to treat myself gently, to give myself grace. It told me that I’m worthy of kindness and care. Now, I practice this in ways I’m conscious of and sometimes don’t recognize. It has become embedded in my living.
The Shorty Awards nudged me back to who I am. I got to present at this year’s ceremony in addition to serving on the jury panel.
I’ve worked in social media marketing for over a decade. Throughout that time, I’ve been part of many projects across multiple industries: nonprofit, food and beverage, and corporate retail. I’ve gotten promoted into different roles and adopted new career paths. Most of my career has been in social media strategy, but I moved into creative marketing and social art direction ahead of last year.
Having never lived in huge markets like New York and LA, I’ve felt behind at times. Maybe I’d be further along in my career if I lived in a big city full of agencies and corporate headquarters.
But I also think about the life I’ve been able to make by not living in these places. The slower pace. The time I get to have at home instead of sitting in traffic or jumping between subway lines trying to make it back. My career not becoming my entire life. The chance to go and start things with other people.
Noah Kahan’s latest album, The Great Divide, examines the gaps between perception and reality. In other words, the “divides” in our lives. The disconnects in our thoughts and emotions. “Porch Light,” like several songs on the album, finds Kahan reckoning with his newfound fame and celebrity. He worries what the folks back home think—in this case, his mother. Writing from what he believes to be her perspective, Kahan refers to himself as a ghost, as someone who isn’t there. He worries that his parents regret his career and how he’s written parts of their personal lives into the music.
Kahan expands on this in his Netflix documentary, Out of Body. He apologizes to his mother for not asking permission to include their family in his music, but she tells him not to worry. She’s happy to see her son’s success and loves how people can see themselves in his songs and within their family’s imperfect lives. For Apple Music, Kahan shared how he didn’t have the full story:
“I always worried that my mom felt or my family felt like I wasn’t myself anymore and that I was just some ghoul that would come in to extrapolate further success or further emotion for my own gain. The truth is my mom never felt that way. She always felt she always showed me love and showed me patience and understood the gravity of what I was going through.”
I often tell myself stories without having all the information. I came into the Shorty Awards feeling like I was behind my peers only to realize that I’m right in it with them. The presenters held dream roles at recognizable companies, and there I was at the same table with all of them, so I guess I do, too.
Among the presenters was my homie, Joél Leon, who I first connected with on Twitter back in 2018. We knew each other as writers first only to find ourselves, eight years later, still writing and building local arts communities but also excelling in our corporate careers.
At times, I can feel like I’m missing out by not picking a lane. Like I’m not able to show up fully in anything. That I’d be a more prolific writer if I only focused on writing, pitching, and promoting my work. That I’d be further along in my career if I had less boundaries to protect my personal life and creative energy.
But I remember the words my parents shared that made me grimace when I was job hunting during my senior year of college. They said, you can still pay your bills and do the things you want to do. In other words, get a job and pursue your passions outside of work.
I was under the impression that my job needed to fulfill my passions and values. When you’re a creative person or want to help other people, this means you’re probably not making a lot of money. I thought it would cheapen my life to get a job that didn’t fully capture all my passions.
Now, 10 years into my career, having worked “dream” jobs and pursuing my passions at work and outside of it, I know that it’s less about where you live your values; it’s most important that you have them.
I want to be good, and I want my people to be good. I want all of us to have everything we need. I carry these principles with me.
This understanding that “all flourishing is mutual,” in the words of Robin Wall Kimmerer, guides my politics, life decisions, and interpersonal relationships. When the temptations of individualism and cruelty lure me away, I gently nudge myself back home. To the things I know to be true.
I don’t dream of career accolades. I dream of doing right by my people and maintaining the best parts of me along the way. I can’t force myself into becoming the best version of me. I don’t even want to be someone else. Can I love me enough to accept me for me? To believe that I’m worthy of grace and gentleness when my mind begins to wander?
It’s not a failure to lose sight of my intentions. Distraction isn’t worthy of punishment; it shouldn’t disqualify me from receiving kindness. It’s human to get sidetracked. To get lost in what everyone else is doing. But when I come home, I’m reminded that I’m not behind them. We’re all in it together, looking toward each other to remember where we belong.
Thank you!
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One of my most important adult realizations has been defining myself by my outside-work creativity instead of by my job! I feel you there. It changes everything for the better.
"I know that it’s less about where you live your values; it’s most important that you have them." 🙌 THIS.